Japanese Step-Grandmother
Friday November 16, 2007
A member of Japan for Visitors forum writes, "My step-father is Japanese-American and his mom is from Japan living in Hawaii and is a traditional woman around 90 years old. I last saw her over 16 years ago. I would really like to get to know my "step-Grandmother" before she leaves this world... My problems are because I'm not her "blood" relative I'm afraid to make contact even though I love her very much. I don't think she shares the same feelings, as if perhaps I am an outcast..." Any Advice?
Comments
True love is about what you give, and is NOT about what you GET !!
You should visit her and let you know you think she is very special and love her very much.
Perhaps if you contact her caregiver first, to learn the best time to visit. You wouldn’t want to miss her if she has an appointment or if it was her nap time or whatever.
If you do not try to overcome your fear of rejection, you will have to live with this loss for the rest of your life.
Brace Up - Smile - and visit
Good Luck!
Bud
Bud is quite right.
I live in Hawaii and my roommate, and I might add, my life-partner is Japanese American. His mother was born in Japan and I am unconditionally accepted as one of the family. I am not even remotely related. In fact, I am Caucasian and the whitest Irishman you can ever imagine! The nieces and nephews even call me “uncle”.
Perhaps it is easier because I am associated with a blood relative. Is there any chance your step-father can go with you?
But really, I don’t even think that is necessary.
I volunteer at a retirement residence (I teach computer skills - my oldest student is a Japanese lady who is 93 years old and sharp as a tack) and there are many Japanese residents born in Japan living there. All the residents there, Japanese and non-Japanese alike are SO appreciative of having younger people visit. And all of them, without exception, love to talk about their childhood days and in the case of the Japanese residents LOVE to talk about the old days in Japan. I have a greater understanding of the Japanese people and of Japan than I have ever had. I am sure sure you could learn more about your father’s family and about Japan.
You have to realize that Hawaii is, well, different. Many, many Japanese people from Japan live here in Hawaii, the most racially diverse state in the United States, and the cultures overlap (if you should be lucky enough to go to a Bon dance in Hawaii, you will see all races and creeds in summer kimono dancing right along with the Japanese). And even though a Japanese person may have been born in Japan and even though they cling to the old traditions, they are also Americans and have embraced American ways and customs as well.
Another little anecdote:
My partner and I went to Japan to specifically visit his 93-year old “Oba-Chan”. I’m sure it was well known that we were in a relationship (but it wasn’t talked about). Oba-Chan lives with one of her daughters, my partner’s aunt, and I have to admit that I was unsure and apprehensive of the reception that I would receive. I needn’t have worried. Again, I was accepted as one of the family. Oba-chan, bent over with age, but very bright and alert, made what I can only describe as a grand entrance in one of the most beautiful kimonos I have ever seen. She was obviously the matriarch of the family. We were served a sumptious Japanese lunch. I sat in a place of honor next to her and it was very amusing and very sweet.
She doesn’t understand a word of English and my Japanese is minimal to say the least. She actually carried on a “conversation” with me. She would speak to me in Japanese; I would reply to her in English. She would nod and continue the conversation, smiling all the while. This went on for some time. She actually caressed my cheek very dearly. How gracious she was! And how HONORED I felt!
I guess what I am trying to say is, do not even hesitate to visit your grandmother. I am certain you will be welcomed…. I am certain you will bring a smile to a very special lady’s face…. She may even caress your cheek as my new-found oba-chan caressed mine.
Kevin